Aug 17 2008
Stinky Passenger Flight Tips
Avoid Flying the Smelly Skies
Don’t just sit there and breathe in the stench of a fragrant seatmate on airplanes. Tips for handling bad smelling passengers.
Could be a problem with body odor, bad breath or stinky farts. Business travelers don’t have to suffer in silence:
- Airlines can prevent a smelly traveler from boarding. MSNBC reports on an actual Contract of Carriage dealing with this distasteful situation. If you clue in before the plane takes off, they might relocate the odoriferous traveler to an empty section of the plane’s cabin, or even better, give him a hotel coupon for taking a shower before catching the next flight.
- Stuck once the plane takes off? Move to another seat. Excuse yourself to the john to look around for empty plane seats. If you see one, simply grab your bag without apology or explanation, and move far, far away.
- Plane too full? Not a single empty seat? Ask your flight attendants, discretely of course, if you can take a jump seat. Explain exactly why you are asking. They might take pity on your flight plight.
- No jump seats for the taking? Ask those same nice flight attendants for an upgrade, enflight, to Business or First Class. It might even be free if you are nice enough and act pitiful. Don’t try to bribe anyone unless you really know what you are doing. And don’t make a fuss. There may be Air Marshalls on board.
Other options include just dealing with the situation at hand. Look for small, incremental improvements in your local climate:
Bad Breath - Offer a breath mint or three. Don’t engage that person in conversation. Look away, out the window or towards the aisles, whereever the air is clearer. Turn your seat’s air vent up full blast. Pretend to be overheating and fan yourself with a magazine (fan away the bad air and fan in the good air).
Body Odor - Don’t remain seated unless you have to be - try chatting up the flight attendants, hang around the rear of the plane with the people in line for the restrooms, make new friends while walking around. Stuck seated? Spray yourself with cologne. Rub scented lotion or even sunscreen on yourself - anything with a scent that doesn’t say, “body odor”. Ask for fresh, hot coffee or tea, nicer scents to keep under your nose. Don’t forget to use that overhead air vent.
Stinky Feet - This one is easier. Take aside a flight attendant and explain the foot odor situation - they will let the offender know they need to keep their shoes on.
Farts - Don’t even think of lighting a match in the cabin (remember where you are). There really isn’t much you can do about this one. Desperate measure - pretend to be nauseous from the flight, grab the barf bag, and breathe through it for the rest of your flight. The bag might act like a filter. Or you might hyperventilate and pass out, which could also be helpful at times like these. 
Oops, you’re gassy? Tips for when YOU are the problem.
Stumble it!